Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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