Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
