I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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