the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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