My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
