I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
