i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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