ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
