My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
