Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
