Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
