i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
