There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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