so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
