Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
