I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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