I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
