Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
