girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
