i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
