So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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