so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
