Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
