eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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