Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
