turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
