We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
