Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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