I looked at my own cervix.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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