I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
