And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
