We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
