Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
