i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Buhtt sex?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
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