i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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