i already hear my dad disowning me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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