Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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