That's intense
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
