How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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