she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
