:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
