Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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