So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
