She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
