Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
