there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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