so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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