margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
