Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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