She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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