Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
