You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
