so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
